If you can answer yes to the following questions....
And yes, basically I can answer in the affirmative to almost all of those questions.
And yes, at the time when I was "accomplishing much", it was sweet. It was because I looked good to others in the congregation. Pointedly, it was only to show the brothers/sisters that I mattered and that they could find substance in me. That I was a worthy servant of JW.
Eventually it became a painstaking experience to maintain that "outer appearance". The motive was wrong. It was because of guilt.
Truthseeker, I liked the way you used JW lingo and lined up the thoughts like that so precisely.
I'm tempted to copy your list and leave it lying somewhere in the KH. Those words words are mirrored in Jw-ism. ONLY JWs know that type of "speak".
However, seeing it compiled so nicely, I'm almost sure that someone in the congregation who stumbles upon this list can see the guilt factor in it....and be repulsed by it. Actually they may be "stumbled" by it. Ironic, wouldn't it be?
Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother NOT Exerting Vigorously)